DIE WELL DINNER
DIE WELL DINNER - WHat it is and how it works
Gather your closest friends and family (or everyone you know) to socialize, eat, drink, and plan for a good death.
At a Die Well Dinner (or lunch, or hor dourves, or no food at all) I will join your gathered group and will provide information and guidance on creating an end of life plan, discuss the importance of legacy work, review funeral and body disposition options, answer questions, and so much more!
Choose from any of the topics/films listed below as the "theme" for your Die Well Dinner. Can't decide? schedule multiple events!
Contact me for more information, scheduling, and pricing. (It's affordable and worthwhile!)
And yes, I will bring skull cakelets!
Why Talk About Death?
We will discuss why talking about death is important, and the benefits it can and does provide. We will also review creating an End-of-Life Plan, the importance of legacy work, hospice & palliative care, funeral and body disposition options (There are more than you think!), and so much more!
The Importance of Legacy Work & Writing Your Own (or Someone Else's) Obituary
Legacy work is not about dying and death, it is about life and living; and creating your own legacy for your family, friends, and loved ones. Only YOU can tell your story, expound your personal wisdom, and express your feelings to and about others. It makes sense to start this sooner than later; preferably before you are dying. We will discuss different methods of documenting your legacy, including several prompt questions, etc.
Relying heavily on James R. Hagerty’s book, Yours Truly: An Obituary Writer’s Guide to Telling Your Story, we will discuss tips for telling your own story and preserving your personal history in a meaningful and engaging way in your obituary.
“Whatever your age or health, an inventory of your life so far can help you decide if you’re on the path you intended, and if you aren’t, lead you to another.” – James R. Hagerty
MAID (Medical Aid in Dying) and VSED (Voluntary Stopping of Eating and Drinking)
We will discuss MAID: Medical Aid in Dying; focusing primarily on Maine’s Death with Dignity Act. This is the process by which competent and terminally ill state residents who are within 6 (six) months of death may legally obtain oral prescription medication for which they may voluntarily take without assistance to peacefully end their life.
We will also discuss VSED: Voluntary Stopping of Eating and Drinking, which is a legal option for any mentally capable, determined, well-informed person as a means advance the time of their death. VSED requires significant caregiving and support, which we will discuss further.
Short Film: Dying Wish: A Dying Doctor’s Decision to Stop Eating and Drinking and Die with Grace Retired surgeon, Michael Miller is dying of end-stage cancer and is determined to avoid the hospital at all costs. He’s researched the dying process and believes that stopping eating and drinking will ease his suffering and result in a peaceful, more natural death. During his fast, Michael suffers neither thirst nor hunger. Buoyed by the legacy of this film, he enjoys a last meal, surrounds himself with art and music, and takes leave of his family. Medical ethicists speak about patients’ rights, and hospice staff share their own, similar experiences of others who have mase this choice. (29 minutes)
The Basics of a Home Funeral
We will go over the basics of a home funeral; from getting your loved one home if they have died elsewhere, to how to wash, care for, and maintain the body, as well as ideas for a meaningful home vigil for your loved one. If desired, we will hold a “mock” home funeral.
Film: Barbara Karne's This Is How We Die - Part I: The Natural Process of Dying from Disease and Old
This is How People Die addresses the normal dying process, from months before death through the actual moment of death. This film provides the knowledge and tools for working with the end of life, presented with non-medical terminology. It is a practical guide for working with anyone facing end-of-life issues. Part One will cover: role models for dying, dying being a normal and natural part of life, ways to die, dying development compared to infant development, dying dynamics, and 3-4 months before death on a continuum, etc. (66 minutes) Open discussion to follow as time allows.
Film: Barbara Karne's This Is How We Die - Part II: The Labor of Dying
This is How People Die addresses the normal dying process, from months before death through the actual moment of death. This film provides the knowledge and tools for working with the end of life, presented with non-medical terminology. It is a practical guide for working with anyone facing end of life issues. Part Two will cover: the labor of dying, 1-3 weeks before death, days to hours before death, hours to minutes before death, senses present prior to and at death, what to say, and near-death experiences, etc. (56 minutes) Open discussion to follow as time allows.
Film: Letting Go: A Hospice Journey
For terminally ill patients and their families, hospice can provide an opportunity to find comfort, companionship, and peach in the weeks, days, hours, and moments before death. Taking an
intimate look at three patients – an eight-year-old boy with an incurable brain disease, a 46-year old woman with lung cancer, and a 62-year-old man with an inoperable brain tumor – this program shows how hospice care helps them cope with fear and pain in the final stages of their lives and prepares loved ones for their imminent loss. In addition to extensive footage of the hospice patients and their families, the program sheds light on the decision-making process of the doctors, nurses, chaplains, social workers, and volunteers involved in hospice. An HBO production. (90 minutes)
Film: Letting Go: In the Parlor: The Final Goodbye*
Rejecting the mainstream tradition of hiring funeral professionals to care for the deceased, families in search of a more personal and fulfilling way to say goodbye are taking an active role in caring for relatives who have died. In the Parlor shares an intimate story of three individuals who, with the support and guidance of their families and communities were cared for after their deaths, at home. Julie, Ron, and Jarrad, all unique individuals with very different circumstances are portrayed in a thoughtful, quiet manner to give the viewer an idea of what “family directed death care” might look like. Both a critical look at the American relationship with death and in inquiry into the home death care movement, In the Parlor takes viewers on a journey where very few have gone, and challenges us to reflect on this uncomfortable subject, which so often is hidden away and ignored.
*I will need to obtain permission from the film's creator to show this film.
Film: Prison Terminal: The Last Days of Private Jack Hall
Prison Terminal is a moving documentary that breaks through the walls of one of Americas oldest maximum-security prisons to tell the story of the final months in the life of a terminally ill prisoner and the hospice volunteers, they themselves prisoners, who care for him. Prison Terminal draws from footage shot over a six-month period behind the walls of the Iowa State Penitentiary and provides a fascinating and often poignant account of how the hospice experience can profoundly touch even the forsaken lives of the incarcerated. (39 minutes) Open discussion to follow.
Film: Letting Go: A Will for the Woods
What if our last act could be a gift to the planet? Capturing the genesis of a revolutionary social and environmental movement, A Will for the Woods draws the viewer into a life-affirming and immersive portrait of people embracing their connection to timeless natural cycles. Musician, folk dancer, and psychiatrist Clark Wang prepares for his own green burial, determined that his final resting place will benefit the earth. He has discovered a movement that uses burial to conserve and restore natural areas, forgoing toxic, wasteful funeral practices engineered to preserve the body at the ecosystem’s expense. Clark, a spirited and charismatic advocate, sets out to save a tract of forest with the help of green burial pioneers and a compassionate local cemeterian. While he continues to battle cancer, he and his partner Jane find great comfort in the thought that his death – whenever it may happen – will be a force for regeneration. As the film follows Clark’s dream of leaving a loving, permanent legacy, environmentalism takes on a deeply human intimacy. (93 minutes)
Film: Flight from Death: The Quest for Immortality
Narrated by Gabriel Byrne, this seven-time Best Documentary award winning film is the most comprehensive and mind-blowing investigation of humankind’s relationship with death ever captured on film. Flight from Death uncovers death anxiety as a possible root cause of many of our behaviors on a psychological, spiritual, and cultural level. Following the work of the late cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker and his Pulitzer Prize-winning book Denial of Death, this documentary explores the ongoing research of a group of social psychologists that may forever change the way we look at ourselves and the world. Over the last twenty-five years, this team of researchers has conducted over 300 laboratory studies, which substantiate Becker’s claim that death anxiety is a primary motivator of human behavior, specifically aggression and violence. (86 minutes)